her actions haunt me

I can’t stop thinking about her.

There was a homeless woman downtown on my way out of work yesterday, and she was digging through a trash can, pulled out a grocery sack, and threw it back in, after seeing it didn’t have anything inside.

The past two days I have been bringing carrots and cheerios to work for lunch. I could have easily given them to her.

There are many homeless people on my walk from work to my parking garage. I don’t feel unsafe. They are just trying to get by, but they talk to each other, and laugh sometimes. One time a guy asked me for a quarter, and I didn’t have any. His friend then asked me for a boat, a Lamborghini, and a bunch of other extravagant things he knew I would probably never have. I told him that we should find that person so that they could give those things to me too. We shared a laugh and I went inside to my car. I have been praying to see the “usuals” this week. Surprisingly, my path has been clear when I leave for the past two days. They don’t stay in the same place, I guess. It’s also been rainy, so I hope they found a dry place to stay.

My heart has really been stirred by these people. Sunday at church, Keith Wheeler, the man who carries a cross around the world, was speaking. He simply touched lightly on this subject, but it has brought me to tears every time I think about it. He said, “If a homeless person approaches you for money, it’s okay to be skeptical, but you should give it to them. You might say, “But what if they spend it on drugs or alcohol?” But you can show a little grace. After all, you’ve been given so much grace, and look what you’ve spent it on.”

How true and how often we spend God’s insurmountable grace on little, petty desires in our lives that could easily be solved through Christ in a manner more pleasing to Him. We spend it on the fleshly desires: substances, sex, gossip, lies. and we say, “It’s not a big deal, I know he will forgive me.” We forget so quickly that it is not us who have a right to His forgiveness. We are not so holy that God is loving towards us. We feel entitled to His forgiveness, like he had better forgive us, “or else.” In reality, we should daily be on our knees begging Him to forgive us our sinful acts every single day, saying “please, please, please, won’t you forgive me?”

In a relationship (any type), when you wrong someone, the first thing you do to make something right is apologize. This is just the same in a relationship with Jesus, something I am slowly learning. Why wouldn’t you want everything to be right with the one true God?

I hope I see these people soon, when I am more prepared with open hands.

Lord, open my hands, heart and eyes. Help me to see the people that so many people try to un-see.

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