As a mother, how would you feel about your child coming to look for you?
Today my sorority family discussed this over dinner, in terms of searching for birthparents.
Reasons they had for searching for parents include medical records, but not much else.
I tried to explain that most adoptees don’t search for their parents in hopes of replacing or disrespecting the parents they have now. They saw it as a slap in the face to the adoptive parents that raised you to want to find your parents.
My mom wants to find my mother maybe even more than I do. Ha. You just have to understand that they aren’t trying to replace the love they’ve had. They’re only trying to find something that seems missing. For me, I want to see her just so that she is no longer a figment of my imagination. It seems silly, but she doesn’t feel real.
As a birthmother, they said they wouldn’t really want their child to look for them. Since they gave them up for a reason, then it has the potential to bring back hard memories about the circumstances around their birth. Which is true, but personally, I think that if you choose to relinquish your child, you have to accept that someday they may want to search for you.
So that was interesting.